Recovery from Consumerism. Helping Clients Live on Less, Enjoy More

In Part 1 of this series, I explored the need that many individuals, couples and families are experiencing to cut spending and streamline their lifestyles. While there's no way to make this process completely painless, reframing the new financial facts as an opportunity to embark on the adventure of living in a simpler, more earth-friendly way can offer a hopeful and encouraging approach.

In order to make these changes, people need emotional support and practical actions to take. I've listed a few below that have been helpful in my life and my practice.

• Revalue the important things in life.
As the old song says, "the best things in life are free," but after decades of non-stop advertising and consumerism, most of us have forgotten the depth of this truth. Just making a list of good things that don't cost any or much money can be a hope-raising exercise.

Hugs, sunsets, walks in nature, hand-made love gifts, free events all over town, growing some veggies in pots or a garden, long walks and talks at the beach, "date nights" in the library, making unhurried love, picnics…Even the most discouraged person can usually find at least a few enjoyable activities that the new frugality won't eliminate. The idea is to open our hearts and spirits to the idea that life might even be better with more free time and without all the spending, bills, rushing and "stuff."

• Don't try to solve this alone.
A good therapist or wise friend can be a hugely-important support system during trying times. Having a safe space to process what is happening both in one's personal financial life and also in the wider economic sphere makes it possible for us to sort through emotions and possibilities and to reconnect with our own good sense as we make necessary decisions and changes.

• Stop the blame game.
Under financial duress, a single client may engage in a lot of self-blame and couples may turn on each other. "You spend too much!" or "You're not earning enough!" are common complaints. A good therapist can help in either situation, balancing the focus so that not only are individual destructive (or even addictive) behaviors addressed but also the wider environmental and social context of the current economic downturn is explored.

• Include children in the solution by turning the challenge into a family game.
Some adults try to shield kids from current financial realities, hoping to spare them pain. The therapist can help them understand that even young children probably already know something's wrong and will be far happier if given an age-appropriate role in contributing to the solution rather than just worrying or acting out when they hear the fear or anger in parents' voices as the subject of money comes up. A few parents whose self-esteem has been caught up with buying children almost everything they ask for are especially resistant to the idea of letting them know Mom and Dad are in financial trouble, and the therapist can help them prepare to explain the need for change to their children in a positive way.

• The Family Money Game.
The goal of the new family money game is simple: come up with fun ways to spend less and earn more. For example, the whole family can make a list of things they might be willing to cut from the family budget.

Even the most frugal family can usually find a few things that can be cut from this month's spending. Dad might let go of some golf games. Mom might cancel a phone line or a beauty appointment. Kids might give up something small, like going to a movie every week or eating out at McDonalds. The fun comes in creating alternative entertainment – making pancakes at home, going for a picnic at the beach, making birthday cards, etc. It may seem as though these small cuts won't solve the huge problem or pay off large debts, but they really do add up and can create enjoyment and excitement to replace the constant fear and worry. The goal is to turn the ship around towards financial recovery, and every little positive action contributes to that goal.

• Creating Cash.
The next list for the family game is "ways to raise money." The garage sale or lemonade stand may seem insufficient, but again it's not the size of the change that is critical, it's the new mind-set.

De-cluttering instead of deprivation. Bringing cash in as opposed to spending unnecessarily.

• "De-brand" the kids.
Therapists can help parents "de-brand" their children, taking their kids back after years of capitulation to the clever marketing tactics of advertisers and the sometimes slavish adherence to these messages by peers at school. Helping children see through the sales tactics in ads is a powerful antidote to their often-unthinking loyalty to brands they see touted on TV. Schools can aid this effort by helping children understand the tyranny of incessant "buy this brand" brain-washing and by instituting dress codes or other measures that discourage "label bullying" at school.

• Experiment with creative solutions.
Financial challenges create a great incentive to try out new ways of living. Try rearranging schedules to spend more time with people we love and less on watching TV, working alone on the computer or unnecessary shopping. Check out the bargains in local thrift shops.

Take more walks in our beautiful local parks or beaches (research has shown that both nature-connection and exercise are powerful anti-depressants). Put in a backyard garden with food-bearing trees and other edible plants. Learn to make home-made jam or sauce with overripe produce. Save money by shopping at the farmers market or a local farm stand and cooking vegetarian or low-meat meals together to improve everyone's health. Grow seeds or herbs on a windowsill. Get involved in the many free or inexpensive community activities and organizations in Santa Barbara.

Organize potlucks instead of eating out. Get to know our neighbors and share equipment instead of each buying our own. Take out books and tapes at the library rather than buying them. Learn mindfulness and meditation. Exercise outdoors instead of at a gym. Sell one of the family vehicles and experiment with carpooling or alternative transportation. Play more family or neighborhood games. Handcraft modest, heart-felt gifts rather than buying them. Plan local or camping vacations. Enjoy the camaraderie and thriftiness of neighborhood garage sales and food exchanges.

• Extended family.
It's sometimes true that outside help is needed, at least temporarily.

The therapist can help the client or clients explore the possibilities for including extended family and friends in the solution (without encouraging enabling, of course). This possibility often raises sensitive issues that need to be worked through. If the client decides to include others in solving the crisis, a special family-and-friends therapy session might be scheduled to facilitate a wider-based solution.

• Further assistance.
On a more impersonal front, social service resources can be explored.

An accountant, bookkeeper, family lawyer or bankruptcy lawyer can be consulted to provide clarity on the seriousness of the situation and possible options. Free help is also available at a local meeting of Debtors Anonymous, a 12-step group (Currently there are several meetings in Santa Barbara and Solvang). In addition to the usual 12-step support, DA group members can assist clients with the formation of a monthly spending plan, recovery from compulsive shopping, dealing with difficult creditors and the eventual formation of a debt repayment plan.

A simpler lifestyle offers a win-win-win solution to today's multiple challenges. As we downshift, we find ourselves and our families are happier and less financially and emotionally pressured. Our mental health improves and we get along with each other better. We have more money and savings to cover things that really matter. We get out in nature more. We get to know our neighbors. And as we begin to live more modestly and sustainably in our communities, we can also feel good about the fact that we're being kinder to the earth and the many people and animals with whom we share this precious but fragile planet.

Next: Career Opportunities in the Emerging Sustainable Society

RESOURCES
Andrews, Cecile. The Circle of Simplicity: Return to the Good Life.
Debtors Anonymous, a 12-Step group to help people recover from compulsive debt, addictive shopping, underearning and financial distress. www.debtorsanonymous.org There is a Tuesday evening meeting in Santa Barbara. (805) 267-4833.
Elgin, Duane. Voluntary Simplicity: Toward a Way of Life that is Outwardly Simple, Inwardly Rich
“In Debt We Trust,” documentary film by Danny Schechter
“Simple Living” with Wanda Urbanska (PBS series available on DVD)
The Simple Living Network www.simpleliving.net
Wann, David. Simple Prosperity: Finding Real Wealth in a Sustainable Lifestyle.

For more information about a Voluntary Simplicity Circle that has been meeting in Santa Barbara since 1998, e-mail Linda Buzzell at lbuzzell@aol.com

Linda Buzzell, MA, MFT has been a marriage and family therapist since 1975. She currently practices in Santa Barbara, focusing her work on career, money and sustainable living issues. She is the founder of the International Association for Ecotherapy and is currently co-editing "Ecotherapy: Healing with Nature in Mind" for Sierra Club Books. She has also worked extensively in the entertainment industry and for two years did research for the late Capt. Jacques Cousteau on four documentaries about Antarctica. She is the author of "How to Make It in Hollywood" (HarperCollins), a career guide to the entertainment industry, and the founder of the International Documentary Association, a professional association of documentary filmmakers.