When I was a kid, I played a lot of tennis — I took lessons, I went to tennis camp, I played on tennis teams, I played in tournaments. What I loved best about tennis was practicing. On many afternoons, I would ride my bike after school to the tennis club my family belonged to. I would either practice with someone I had set up a game with, or I would just hang out at the club and see if anyone wanted to hit some balls around. It was my way of connecting with friends, meeting new people, staying active, and relaxing.

As I got better at the game, I started to play in tournaments on Saturday mornings. I hated tournaments. I had to get up early on non-school days. I would get nervous. I usually didn’t know the girl I was playing against and would probably not see her again until the next tournament. Needless to say, I did not do well in tournaments. Before long, I lost my interest in tennis altogether.

As far as I know, there are no psychotherapy tournaments. Oh sure, there are times when I have had to demonstrate my skill and knowledge before judging eyes: “fishbowl” listening exercises in graduate school with the whole class watching, the MFT licensing exams, and professional presentations (like the one I did last month at the SB-CAMFT luncheon). But in general, I can practice to my heart’s content, and not worry about “winning.” Reminiscent of my joyful tennis days, I get to do what I love every day — connect deeply with my clients, witness their process with compassion and care, and have fun. I hope to improve my skills as I continue to practice, but I don’t have to compete, and I don’t have to get up early on Saturday mornings. What a relief!

Turns out, much of my life is about practice. I practice yoga. I practice generosity. I practice self-acceptance. The ancient Roman statesman and orator Cicero said, “A wise man’s life is all one preparation for death.” I understand this to mean that the more we can practice “letting go” in life, the more we will be prepared for the ultimate letting go that death demands. And so I add “letting go” to the list of things I practice — letting go of attachments, resentments, and wanting things to be different than they are. Contrary to the popular sentiment, maybe life really is a dress rehearsal, each day another opportunity to practice on the stage of life. Just because it’s practice, doesn’t mean it’s easy or insignificant.

Cicero also said, “To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.” I should go now, I have some things to practice.

Jennifer Wohl is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Santa Barbara. She has a private practice in town and is also a bereavement counselor at Hospice of Santa Barbara.